2018 in Review

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All I can say about 2018 is that you Kicked my arse I totally jumped off the cliff to support myself a 100 percent

My spa dates were cancelled, my clothes were recycled and I did not purchase any new shoes in 2019 which meant I consumed very little and my cash went back into my marketing and business.

After my Dad passed over in 2017 and my brother in law six months earlier, I focused on working and making money for others. As soon as 2018 hit I entered a new relationship - with myself.

From the beginning of 2018 I vowed to concentrate on myself (so no love interest with Musicians, Artist, or Poets (apparently according to Liz Green I am the proverbial troubadour so I needed to experience my lament and love by myself and for myself),

It is so interesting in cyber world we talk about ‘Self Love’ but, self Love like any relationship takes work as there is still compromises, and decisions to be made so that one can balance work and life.

In relationships there was a struggle to balance time between my partner and friends, in relationship to self this is still a challenge. I was totally immersed in myself and the joy I felt being in this zone of pure bliss. I now understand how I love because I gave myself that total unconditional love, so now moving forward I need to cater to three groups of humans, myself, my partner and my circle.

During this time I was also aware of the difference between hiding/withdrawing from the world and loving myself, eating, going out dinning and walking for oneself and with oneself, I was running towards my self love not away from the world.

Surrender : mjfontaine

Surrender : mjfontaine

I went to events and concerts, walked, ate in restaurants, all by my self (cue the music) and at times I felt a slight pang but that was my head and conditioning, my heart was fun and having fun.

I never knew this type of bliss existed. - communion with the Creator my creativity flourished also.

My work became deeper and thick with authenticity and transparency. I re discovered places in my business that I neglected and threw money at so I could not deal with those areas. The reduction of funds also made me realise how much I used money as a way to put a band aid on issues that challenged my self worth and confidence, This clarity of my life situation enabled me to look at my business, my boundaries and my worth. How many times do we make a business decision based upon validation? It is surprising how Social media totally dictates how entrepreneurs actually portray themselves online at the cost to their business model.

Since walking my own path and setting a better strategy I got real and practical, learned, applied the steps but checked with my heart to see if the steps were congruent with my values. Where there was confusion I asked the adult part of myself to apply a practical solutions.

Stuff just go more real and I am actually running a proper business MA!

My clients increased, more sales of my products and more engagement,

There are more surprises coming in 2019 which is totally gonna switch up my work.

First I had to check in with my partner - Myself.

Have a great 2019 please see my next post that will have the review questions of 2018

Marilyn x

The Tao of the Dark Tunnel

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The Tao of the dark tunnel

I can be pretty adventurous and other times I can be a deer in headlights (this is rare for me as I am a Leo) but when this dastardly affliction hits me it can have a great impact on my life!

Think embarrassing ex-boyfriends, bad jobs, impulse buying "the offer ends at midnight” all very time consuming and sometimes painful... I say it's better to make mistakes than have regrets because mistakes are better when they come from desire not fear. (Disclaimer this does not include infidelity or other untoward desires there is no wisdom in the mistake of breaking hearts or addiction)

However there is nothing more paralyzing than fear of a possible outcome such as losing a contract, or making the right decision regarding ones career or running out of petrol whilst one is in the Blackwell tunnel!

The Blackwell tunnel

The Blackwell tunnel is 4,125 feet long.

I have a new car so I didn't really know the the amount of petrol one has in a reserve tank!

The scene

I am driving south of the river and all of a sudden, I am in the tunnel and the petrol light comes on. I am horrified I never go into a tunnel without petrol because well it's dangerous and irresponsible, and I am also very claustrophobic in tunnels!!!

Anyway the day before I was asking a client about her fear and how it affects our choices. So to make an example of myself (I like to practice what I preach). I decided to test the emotional responses to fear

So as the panic and negative self-talk set in I decided to ask myself

What part of me is fearful, where is it located?

What is the wise intuitive part of me saying and what is it saying? Where is it located in my body?

believe me everything slows down especially if your practising deep breathing to calm yourself down

After practising the questions and dialogue the journey through the tunnel was the quickest journey I ever had....

For the key was slowing down and stepping away from the panic or fear by breathing (which we forget to do) also self-talk is a really good way of staying calm. The aim is to talk to yourself like you would talk to a dear friend. This is a good way of calming yourself down so don't beat up or hate on yourself doesn’t help the situation at all.

In my early twenties I suffered from panic attacks and during that time all rationality went out of the window however, a tool I used to get out of the panic state was to give myself positive and reassuring talks rather than run around and create more drama. There are times where the batons of support during fearful times have to be passed to my circle of care/friends/gypsy crew (that’s why it’s important to have good people around you).

The lesson of this journey is balance and being still in a crisis if you cannot do that find a way to get there as soon as you can.

What do you do to remain centred?

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On intuition

Sometimes I feel like I am fighting my self

My intuition is something that I live by every day and its getting stronger and stronger which is resulting in a battle with me … Its like emu in the it challenges me stretches me and I feel like I am Rod hull trying to straighten what need to be ruffled and what is not for me.

Scenario one

Job proposal ..more work (it’s a recession) Iit is a Bread n Butter job ( you know the ones we do sometimes for pay the bills) but this time my body was scream it had enough of charging the for such services rendered and wanted to make a more clean living… but my FEAR was getting to me . It’s a recession, there won’t be any more work. Those of you who know my philosophy know that I do not really listen to the news or read news paper (well I don’t buy them but I do tend to read the headlines in supermarkets) anyway my ethos has always been follow your true calling no matter what because you always come through with a little faith. The same faith I seemed to be missing until old inner voice became loud and clear

the message in my gut or solar plexus was NO this isn’t for you …

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just like this speaker in my head… Damn

I had to refuse the job I actually felt like I was doing a funny dance like I was two people one leg moving forward to say YES! I will do the job and the other step in back in defiance and shouting ‘enough is enough’ so I looked a picture … I declined the job, and that same afternoon a job offer double the amount came … but you guessed it again is not the job I need to do right now so I keep going until it feels right.(and you guessed it the jobs keep coming).

Now this may seem a little irresponsible but when I chart back my history and the great things I have accomplished have been through tapping into my intuition. Thus the best and most profitable decisions have been listening to my inner guidance. It has never been wrong (when I step out of the way) . However this decision isn’t always easy its actually gives me a headache and it requires 100% responsibility, accountability and some assertiveness (its hard to fight your corner when you have hungry children and a spouse starting at you so your decisions may take a lot of courage and a great deal of common sense. For example is it fear or is it your intuition when you practice history (of starving or feasting ) will let you know if you are dealing with an emotion or true guidance.

So how do we learn to tap into our intuition? by acting on small things before you make decisions for bigger choices. Again knowing the area that rocks you..ie solar plexus or the heart (the area most commonly associated with inner guidance) . Bodywork such as abdominal massage, yoga or energetic exercises, help dissipate anxiety in that area, but the best tool is Meditation that will slow your mind and give you space to listen to your inner voice. I recommend you buy (trust your vibes insert book) or my mp3 podcast of meeting your guide and intuition.

Whatever you do know that it is an interesting and sometimes uncomfortable but highly rewarding journey rock the boat .

Namaste

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Grief notes

For the back story please see my last post.

Note 1

I realise I am still very much in shock and in grief, today I felt it. I don't really like to share how I feel on Social media  (well not facebook ) because it is personal or maybe it is because I can pretend it is not real.  I know well-wishers and empathic people will post because they care and are empathic but this will only make me cry more but the real truth is If I post about the grief then it becomes real that my Dad has left Earth, so I stay in limbo until I can breathe some more because every time I open up to the reality I feel my heart breaking. The pain of grief is unbearable, but this is normal this is grief and there is nothing I can do about it because in a moment I will be back to normal the door closed and the faucet closed again.

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That is grief.

Just Enough Demon

Angels and Devils by mjfontaine: Postcard and Print

Angels and Devils by mjfontaine: Postcard and Print

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
— Maya Angelou

What is your 'Just enough or DoubtDemon?

Happy New Year (Moon) As I reflect on the New Moon I just wanted to talk about the manifestation process and the things that stop us from reaching our goals.  Most of our obstacles come from the mind, which are the thoughts that say " you can't do it " or "you haven't got the energy to do it “This negative self-talks takes us of our axis and we forget above our 'marker' which is our 'measure' in the SMART target system.  An example of my marker would be that I am in the process of creating a twelve-week online programme for women,  however this morning I had a huge crises of confidence as to whether I could do this due to the time I needed to create my art vs the time I had to dedicate to do this programme(you want transparency right?) but my positive wise guide inside me reminded me that I just completed my first SOLO exhibition and believe me if I could do that then anybody could.

I doubted myself I would be able to do this

Some of us were not schooled in success so we spend our adult lives coping with our small successes and blocking out the big ones
— mjfontaine

A week before my show I came face to face with the Doubt Demon who is really strong when I have a major change in my life.  So I told myself you can do this and then I realised that was also stopping me going to the next level in my life, at times because of my Demon andI am unable to cope with the mass volume of interest not because I am incapable,  but because of my doubts, the demon comes alive.

So in the past my mind would only manifest just enough, clients, sales, etc for me to get by to support my fears or accommodate my limiting beliefs.

So with this realisation I realize that I don't need to listen to the doubt demon.   Sothe question that I want to ask you is for this New Moon is how are you accommodating the 'Just enough of or Doubt Demon.

Please leave your comments below what area of your life is affected.

Marilyn x