2018 in Review

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All I can say about 2018 is that you Kicked my arse I totally jumped off the cliff to support myself a 100 percent

My spa dates were cancelled, my clothes were recycled and I did not purchase any new shoes in 2019 which meant I consumed very little and my cash went back into my marketing and business.

After my Dad passed over in 2017 and my brother in law six months earlier, I focused on working and making money for others. As soon as 2018 hit I entered a new relationship - with myself.

From the beginning of 2018 I vowed to concentrate on myself (so no love interest with Musicians, Artist, or Poets (apparently according to Liz Green I am the proverbial troubadour so I needed to experience my lament and love by myself and for myself),

It is so interesting in cyber world we talk about ‘Self Love’ but, self Love like any relationship takes work as there is still compromises, and decisions to be made so that one can balance work and life.

In relationships there was a struggle to balance time between my partner and friends, in relationship to self this is still a challenge. I was totally immersed in myself and the joy I felt being in this zone of pure bliss. I now understand how I love because I gave myself that total unconditional love, so now moving forward I need to cater to three groups of humans, myself, my partner and my circle.

During this time I was also aware of the difference between hiding/withdrawing from the world and loving myself, eating, going out dinning and walking for oneself and with oneself, I was running towards my self love not away from the world.

Surrender : mjfontaine

Surrender : mjfontaine

I went to events and concerts, walked, ate in restaurants, all by my self (cue the music) and at times I felt a slight pang but that was my head and conditioning, my heart was fun and having fun.

I never knew this type of bliss existed. - communion with the Creator my creativity flourished also.

My work became deeper and thick with authenticity and transparency. I re discovered places in my business that I neglected and threw money at so I could not deal with those areas. The reduction of funds also made me realise how much I used money as a way to put a band aid on issues that challenged my self worth and confidence, This clarity of my life situation enabled me to look at my business, my boundaries and my worth. How many times do we make a business decision based upon validation? It is surprising how Social media totally dictates how entrepreneurs actually portray themselves online at the cost to their business model.

Since walking my own path and setting a better strategy I got real and practical, learned, applied the steps but checked with my heart to see if the steps were congruent with my values. Where there was confusion I asked the adult part of myself to apply a practical solutions.

Stuff just go more real and I am actually running a proper business MA!

My clients increased, more sales of my products and more engagement,

There are more surprises coming in 2019 which is totally gonna switch up my work.

First I had to check in with my partner - Myself.

Have a great 2019 please see my next post that will have the review questions of 2018

Marilyn x

The Tao of the Dark Tunnel

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The Tao of the dark tunnel

I can be pretty adventurous and other times I can be a deer in headlights (this is rare for me as I am a Leo) but when this dastardly affliction hits me it can have a great impact on my life!

Think embarrassing ex-boyfriends, bad jobs, impulse buying "the offer ends at midnight” all very time consuming and sometimes painful... I say it's better to make mistakes than have regrets because mistakes are better when they come from desire not fear. (Disclaimer this does not include infidelity or other untoward desires there is no wisdom in the mistake of breaking hearts or addiction)

However there is nothing more paralyzing than fear of a possible outcome such as losing a contract, or making the right decision regarding ones career or running out of petrol whilst one is in the Blackwell tunnel!

The Blackwell tunnel

The Blackwell tunnel is 4,125 feet long.

I have a new car so I didn't really know the the amount of petrol one has in a reserve tank!

The scene

I am driving south of the river and all of a sudden, I am in the tunnel and the petrol light comes on. I am horrified I never go into a tunnel without petrol because well it's dangerous and irresponsible, and I am also very claustrophobic in tunnels!!!

Anyway the day before I was asking a client about her fear and how it affects our choices. So to make an example of myself (I like to practice what I preach). I decided to test the emotional responses to fear

So as the panic and negative self-talk set in I decided to ask myself

What part of me is fearful, where is it located?

What is the wise intuitive part of me saying and what is it saying? Where is it located in my body?

believe me everything slows down especially if your practising deep breathing to calm yourself down

After practising the questions and dialogue the journey through the tunnel was the quickest journey I ever had....

For the key was slowing down and stepping away from the panic or fear by breathing (which we forget to do) also self-talk is a really good way of staying calm. The aim is to talk to yourself like you would talk to a dear friend. This is a good way of calming yourself down so don't beat up or hate on yourself doesn’t help the situation at all.

In my early twenties I suffered from panic attacks and during that time all rationality went out of the window however, a tool I used to get out of the panic state was to give myself positive and reassuring talks rather than run around and create more drama. There are times where the batons of support during fearful times have to be passed to my circle of care/friends/gypsy crew (that’s why it’s important to have good people around you).

The lesson of this journey is balance and being still in a crisis if you cannot do that find a way to get there as soon as you can.

What do you do to remain centred?

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People Pleasing Over achieving

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Sometimes finding the right way to start a blog post is like splitting hairs, I have to be motivated to start the topic otherwise being in my head just makes me freeze like a Deer in headlights.  My anxiety and top dog wants to make me stop because the topic is just not 'smart ' enough.  So, I must wait until my heart is ready to stand in its courage and speak its truth and my truth is;

I am a chronic people pleaser and over achiever

I am also very creative with a 1000 ideas per hour moving through me,  I am also good at monetizing those ideas to make them work for me.

After reading this article I realise how it was important to admit, feel and let go of the need to justify why I had so many streams of income (my embarrassment was linked to people judging me for 'being different)..  

Trying to please others and over achievingis like having an addiction because we are never able to satisfy that craving it will always be the next goal to achieve and the next person to please.   I am have a distinction between my creative energy and overachieving people pleasing.

My creative drive is through an inner guidance that sometimes does not make sense, something I felt when I created the paintings for the 2017 Calender.

My people pleasing is from the need to be praised or an idea suggested by others. 

When I first moved into my studio I felt so small like a fraud as I ignored that voice that said "don't worry you will soon fill this up" and within months I created most of the images for my calendar.  But at the time I was doubting who I was and why did I need to have this studio, because the desire to have the studio was my longing not from others suggesting I have it, I pleased my (inner) self.  .

You don’t know what level is your comfort zone until you are challenged, and one of those challenges are to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself.

Suggestion: Chose 5 major choicesyou made in your life and write down the reasons behind the choice and who influenced you.

Post your answers in the comments below.

 

Marilyn x

 

Just Enough Demon

Angels and Devils by mjfontaine: Postcard and Print

Angels and Devils by mjfontaine: Postcard and Print

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
— Maya Angelou

What is your 'Just enough or DoubtDemon?

Happy New Year (Moon) As I reflect on the New Moon I just wanted to talk about the manifestation process and the things that stop us from reaching our goals.  Most of our obstacles come from the mind, which are the thoughts that say " you can't do it " or "you haven't got the energy to do it “This negative self-talks takes us of our axis and we forget above our 'marker' which is our 'measure' in the SMART target system.  An example of my marker would be that I am in the process of creating a twelve-week online programme for women,  however this morning I had a huge crises of confidence as to whether I could do this due to the time I needed to create my art vs the time I had to dedicate to do this programme(you want transparency right?) but my positive wise guide inside me reminded me that I just completed my first SOLO exhibition and believe me if I could do that then anybody could.

I doubted myself I would be able to do this

Some of us were not schooled in success so we spend our adult lives coping with our small successes and blocking out the big ones
— mjfontaine

A week before my show I came face to face with the Doubt Demon who is really strong when I have a major change in my life.  So I told myself you can do this and then I realised that was also stopping me going to the next level in my life, at times because of my Demon andI am unable to cope with the mass volume of interest not because I am incapable,  but because of my doubts, the demon comes alive.

So in the past my mind would only manifest just enough, clients, sales, etc for me to get by to support my fears or accommodate my limiting beliefs.

So with this realisation I realize that I don't need to listen to the doubt demon.   Sothe question that I want to ask you is for this New Moon is how are you accommodating the 'Just enough of or Doubt Demon.

Please leave your comments below what area of your life is affected.

Marilyn x