2018 in Review

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All I can say about 2018 is that you Kicked my arse I totally jumped off the cliff to support myself a 100 percent

My spa dates were cancelled, my clothes were recycled and I did not purchase any new shoes in 2019 which meant I consumed very little and my cash went back into my marketing and business.

After my Dad passed over in 2017 and my brother in law six months earlier, I focused on working and making money for others. As soon as 2018 hit I entered a new relationship - with myself.

From the beginning of 2018 I vowed to concentrate on myself (so no love interest with Musicians, Artist, or Poets (apparently according to Liz Green I am the proverbial troubadour so I needed to experience my lament and love by myself and for myself),

It is so interesting in cyber world we talk about ‘Self Love’ but, self Love like any relationship takes work as there is still compromises, and decisions to be made so that one can balance work and life.

In relationships there was a struggle to balance time between my partner and friends, in relationship to self this is still a challenge. I was totally immersed in myself and the joy I felt being in this zone of pure bliss. I now understand how I love because I gave myself that total unconditional love, so now moving forward I need to cater to three groups of humans, myself, my partner and my circle.

During this time I was also aware of the difference between hiding/withdrawing from the world and loving myself, eating, going out dinning and walking for oneself and with oneself, I was running towards my self love not away from the world.

Surrender : mjfontaine

Surrender : mjfontaine

I went to events and concerts, walked, ate in restaurants, all by my self (cue the music) and at times I felt a slight pang but that was my head and conditioning, my heart was fun and having fun.

I never knew this type of bliss existed. - communion with the Creator my creativity flourished also.

My work became deeper and thick with authenticity and transparency. I re discovered places in my business that I neglected and threw money at so I could not deal with those areas. The reduction of funds also made me realise how much I used money as a way to put a band aid on issues that challenged my self worth and confidence, This clarity of my life situation enabled me to look at my business, my boundaries and my worth. How many times do we make a business decision based upon validation? It is surprising how Social media totally dictates how entrepreneurs actually portray themselves online at the cost to their business model.

Since walking my own path and setting a better strategy I got real and practical, learned, applied the steps but checked with my heart to see if the steps were congruent with my values. Where there was confusion I asked the adult part of myself to apply a practical solutions.

Stuff just go more real and I am actually running a proper business MA!

My clients increased, more sales of my products and more engagement,

There are more surprises coming in 2019 which is totally gonna switch up my work.

First I had to check in with my partner - Myself.

Have a great 2019 please see my next post that will have the review questions of 2018

Marilyn x

Hatching

November 2016 (reflection).

I want to be as transparent as I can be because I am an in a process of shedding the old and moving into the new.

I am a big advocate of goddess practices but for the last 6 months my life, my mind and my time have been dedicated to my creative practice and my energy has been redirected, surrendering to a higher power.  I have always felt that I had to fight to maintain my feminine energy in this world, but surrendering to the sacredness of stillness, containment and devotion through my art practice has helped me through a very difficult time.

As women, we have our own wild natures and challenges to deal with and we try to maintain balance in a world that asks us to be so many things, mostly to others, ignoring our own needs.  In this caretaker, rescuing place we cannot soften and become open so we must go through another internal or spiritual death to shed our skin (often through adversity or loss) before we can function from this surrendered place.

When we meet our Spiritual energy, we connect with Kundalini or Shakti energy, and processes and habits are called to heal which is the death-rebirth cycle as described by author Clarissa Pinkola Estés in her book 'Women Who Run With The Wolves

Relationship with myself

As I let go and dived into my art Imet the Masculine force of direction and the Feminine force of creativity. The work produced created a very Mythical body of work.

I felt the divine feminine of spirit that transcended gender, culture and sexuality.

In a strange way, I felt sexless.

I realised I did not need my Jade Egg Taoist practice of Ten years* to feel my essence, so I put it away I chose to feel the heartbeat of my own connection to myself without the egg.

Eventually and thankfully, I returned to the practice, but my main connection is now tapping into creative essence through Creativity and meditation which informs other aspects of my life.

My self-imposed descent into the world of creation and spirit helped me return to meet my practice with a different level of connection to myself. Ironically, despite the external challenges I am now facing, I am choosing to be more in the world, to embrace the everyday mundane world as both a woman and an artist.

If you are in the process of 'Hatching' and you need navigating back into the world, then contact me or leave a comment below to see how I help you.